How to measure progress in a career which has no ladder.
The existential challenge of being a self employed creative.
Some years ago I made a show called Creatures that I was really proud of. In it I played mythical/imaginary creatures. One was a horse who had surgery to become a unicorn (pictured below) and one was a Borrower who was addicted to Tipp-Ex. To make the Tipp-Ex bottle I went to a shop called Pentonville Rubbers (Rubbers! hee hee) and bought some polyethylene foam to build the oversized bottle. I have always liked massive visual props and costumes.
For the show I’m currently developing there is a costume I have in mind for one of my characters which will be funnier if I make it myself. I’m using a shop bought costume for another character, but I don’t want to rely solely on shop bought stuff. To my mind there’s something inherently funny about the shonki-nes of a handmade costume. And it gives a character - well, more character. So I emailed Pentonville Rubbers (get your mind out of the gutter) and asked for a quote. They replied and asked me exactly what thickness (stop it) and width (lol) I needed. I am not a professional prop maker so I’ve measured myself to get a rough idea and next week I’ll go and visit the store to feel different bits of polyethylene foam. Then I’ll travel across London with a massive bit of foam under my arm which will become yet another inconvenient costume for one of my characters. How I envy stand-ups who don’t need to take anything with them to gigs!
One of my favourite double acts Short and Curly had a sketch in one of their shows where they used a long wooden plank to represent a bar in a saloon. If I remember correctly they’d throw shot glasses down it for audience members. It was very funny. And very tricky for them to take on the tube.
I’m glad to be going back to Pentonville Rubbers (guffaw) but it has also given me pause for thought, to be going there just as I did all those years ago. It makes me feel like I haven’t progressed at all and I wonder if that is ok.
But how do you measure progression as a character/alternative performer? The careers of most creatives don’t follow a standard trajectory as it is. Of course there are a lucky few who do a smash-hit solo show in London (how? Seriously, how?) or at the Edinburgh Fringe, and the floodgate of offers open. But for most of us it doesn’t work like that. Acting sums this up more than anything. When I did a West End run of a play, the show ended and I was immediately back to scrabbling around to see if I could teach workshops/get other jobs. Likewise when I did a play at the National. No audition doors opened afterwards. There is no ladder, just a series of waves. If you are a jobbing actor (as opposed to a “name”) it can feel hard to build on anything.
A couple of days ago I got on the train to borrow a yellow land-line phone from my friend Becky (of Short and Curly) to use as a prop for a photo-shoot. Becky and I used to run a comedy night together which always involved a multitude of props/costumes. Again, I had this vague feeling - “If I’m still living my life travelling through London collecting props, have I progressed?” But since progression isn’t a straight line, perhaps this is the wrong question to ask entirely. Maybe the question should be “Is this still making my soul happy?” or “Is this still how I want to live my life?” Admittedly I don’t always know the answer to that last one.
Why should life be about progress though, and why should progress be linear? Why can’t it be softer or curved? Less of a straight line and more of a spider’s web. If that was the case maybe the question could be, “Which threads are still worth cultivating?” or “Who are you connecting with by doing this?”. To be clear I don’t mean networking, I mean connecting with people who light your heart up. For me audiences do that, as well as collaborators, friends and family. One could ask '“Is your silliness turning lights on for audiences - even small lights in small crowds?” or “Is it making you happy?” or “Is it enabling you to collaborate with people you deeply admire?”
I told my friend Duncan my Pentonville Rubbers story and he didn’t view it as a depressing lack of progression, he laughed and said he loved that, the thought of us all spending our lives doing that kind of thing. I didn’t expect this reaction and I must say I found it reassuring. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing…
But if you’re someone who needs signs of progress (and I think I am) then placing your own small milestones along the way is a sensible approach. Small is key. So rather than thinking “I will only have progressed if I’ve got a Netflix show or a book deal like some of my peers” why not try something smaller/more achievable.
Here are some signs of progress I’m going to aim for.
Finishing making a new solo show - regardless of what it’s like or what it does/doesn’t lead to.
Finishing another sitcom script and building a world my writing partner and I are excited by.
Making an audience laugh/cheering someone up.
Making a handmade costume which looks fun and is portable! (Quite unrealistic this last bit admittedly)
Getting booked somewhere - anywhere.
Making a joke land better the second time than it did the first time.
Inspiring someone, even in a small way.
Number 7. is an important one for me to remember. I did an improv show the other night and gave myself a load of notes afterwards, berating myself for this and that. Improvised narrative is a cruel mistress, especially when you end up playing the protagonist and (because it’s a two-hander) are also trying to contribute to driving the action of the narrative and therefore trying to put challenges in your own character’s way. It’s brain meltingly HARD. What’s more, it’s hard to be funny while doing it. Anyway, more of that another time.
After the show an audience member said it had made them feel inspired. Another person said they were going through a very hard time and had felt comforted, seeing all that connection on stage. Perhaps providing inspiration or solace for one or two people could be the soft, curved, spider’s web of progress to aim for.